Healing through Connection

Grief often can lead us to build a wall between us and the world around us. For most teenagers, the isolation from the wall they put up can be even harder to break. As a teenager, we see that it is already a time where so much change is occurring, whether it be emotionally, socially, or most importantly, physically. I know firsthand that our relationships with others, especially our peers, mean the absolute most, and often the need to belong becomes our only identity. Now in a time like this, adding loss to one's life can leave them feeling more misunderstood and even cut off. It is important to note, though, in times of loss and grief in an adolescent's life, connection through support groups, family, and peers has the power to bridge the wall that grief can build.

DEVELOPMENT:

The stage of adolescence is a time marked by expanding social experiences. According to psychologist Erik Erikson, the stage involves a constant desire for autonomy, intimacy, and identity formation. Erikson coined the stage identity versus role confusion, where adolescents explore who they are and, most importantly, where they fit in. In the event of loss at this stage, we see a lot of disruptions in their self-concept and their sense of belonging.

Alongside teens' interactions with their peers lies an incredible opportunity for healthy healing. Peers during our adolescence become important anchors and connections in our lives. Feeling seen and supported by those around us, whether it be peers, family, or mentors, can help teens gain back their sense of normalcy and trust in those around them, especially when the isolation of grief is close to them.

THEORY:

Bronfenbrenner's ecological systems theory reminds us that development happens within layers of relationships and environments, like from our immediate family and friends (the microsystem) to the larger cultural context (the macrosystem). Grief doesn’t just affect one layer; it affects them all. A supportive microsystem, like caring friends and parents or even involved teachers, can help the effects of loss and help teens navigate grief with community.

From another perspective, Bowlby’s attachment theory shows that the bonds we form early in our lives can shape how we handle separation and loss later. Adolescents with secure attachment styles are often able to seek support and regulate their emotions during grief, while those with insecure attachments may withdraw from others or struggle to express their pain. Strengthening relationships after loss can serve as a beneficial emotional experience.

COPING STRATEGIES:

1. Peer Support Groups: Often group-based therapy/programs that can help teens realize they are not alone in their loss and share stories, experiences, and listen to others.

2. Open Communication/ Family Rituals: Family rituals like memory boxes, planting flowers for the deceased, cooking together, or visiting a special place, all while talking about the loss of their loved one, can help promote resilience and lower anxiety in grieving teens.

3. Mentorship from trusted adults: Communication from mentors, teachers, youth leaders, and coaches to a grieving teen can provide stable emotional support when teens feel confused and isolated.

Alongside these few listed skills, I found myself frequently using this page to find what coping skills became a crucial part of my healing and grieving journey, and suggest you use this resource to do the same!

https://mentalhealthcenterkids.com/blogs/articles/coping-skills-for-teens

REFRENCES:

Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. New York: Basic Books.

Bronfenbrenner, U. (1979). The ecology of human development: Experiments by nature and design. Harvard University Press.

Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and crisis. W. W. Norton & Company.