Coping Strategies: What the "SCIENCE" Says About Healthy Healing in the face of Loss

Grief is not a single emotion it’s a spectrum of experiences that can impact every part of who we are. Whether we are a child trying to understand the finality of death, a teenager wrestling with identity and loss, or an adult suddenly navigating life without a loved one, the process is deeply personal.

Over the years, psychologists, therapists, and researchers have studied how people cope and what helps them move toward healing rather than getting lost in pain. Across studies, one consistent message emerges: there is no one-size-fits-all approach to grief, but there are many healthy coping always involve connection, expression, and compassion.

Below, we’ll explore what the research says about healthy coping across the lifespan, and how these findings can help us better care for ourselves and others in times of loss.

1. Music as a Path to Healing

In their study, McFerran and Hunt (2008) explored how music therapy programs in schools can promote healthy emotional processing among adolescents. Students who participated in songwriting, lyric analysis, and group music-making were better able to express their grief and connect with others who were also grieving.

Music became a language a safe and creative outlet that allowed young people to release emotions they couldn’t always verbalize. These programs also fostered peer support, helping teens feel less isolated in their experiences.

This finding mirrors what therapists have long observed: creative expression is a powerful tool for healing. Whether through music, painting, writing, or dance, art allows us to channel difficult emotions into something tangible. For adolescents, who are still learning emotional regulation and identity, creativity provides both catharsis and community.

APPLY: Create a playlist that reminds you of your loved one songs that comfort, inspire, or honor them. Use it during quiet reflection or journaling. Over time, notice how your relationship to those songs changes as your grief evolves.

2. Caring for the Caregivers

Grieving doesn’t always begin after someone has passed. For many family members, especially spouses caring for terminally ill loved ones grief starts before the final goodbye.

Lyndsey Miller and her team (2020) found that caregivers who practiced active coping strategies, such as talking about their stress, maintaining social connections, and prioritizing rest, were less likely to develop depression and prolonged grief after the loss. Those who ignored their own well-being, on the other hand, were at greater risk for lasting emotional and physical strain.

Caregiving can be both sacred and exhausting. The research highlights a crucial truth: self-care is not selfish, it’s protective. Taking time to rest, reach out for emotional support, and acknowledge one’s anticipatory grief builds resilience for the loss ahead.

APPLY: If you are a caregiver, set aside even 10 minutes a day for yourself whether through a walk, prayer, meditation, or writing a short reflection. Also, consider joining a support group for caregivers; connecting with others can reduce isolation and build strength for what’s to come.

3. Connection and Meaning in Older Adulthood

Loss in later life often looks different. Older adults may face the death of a spouse, long-time friends, or even siblings experiences that can deeply impact both emotional and physical health.

Purrington (2021) found that social support and meaning-making were essential factors in how older adults adapted to spousal loss. Those who stayed engaged with community whether through faith groups, volunteering, or family were more likely to find a renewed sense of purpose. Conversely, isolation, loneliness, and a history of poor coping skills often predicted more complicated grief.

This research reinforces the importance of belonging and routine in healing. Maintaining community ties can give structure to life after loss and prevent the spiral of loneliness.

APPLY: Encourage older adults to reconnect with their communities attend gatherings, volunteer, or share stories of their loved ones. Talking about the past isn’t “dwelling”; it’s a way of honoring memory and continuing bonds in healthy ways.

4. The Role of Caregivers in Children’s Grief

Children experience grief differently depending on their developmental stage. As Alvis, Zhang, Sandler, and Kaplow (2023) found, younger children often struggle with understanding the permanence of death, while adolescents may grapple with guilt, anger, or confusion.

The key to helping children through grief lies in their caregivers. Adults who model healthy emotions openly crying, sharing memories, and validating feelings teach children that sadness and vulnerability are safe. The study also showed that when parents or teachers connected grieving kids to grief groups or counseling, maladaptive grieving decreased significantly.

This research reminds us that children don’t just need protection from pain; they need guidance through it. Caregivers who listen, explain, and comfort help children learn that grief is a normal, shared part of being human.

APPLY: Encourage kids to share memories, draw pictures, or write letters to the person they lost, I know for me when thinking of ways to talk to my 6 year old cousin about the loss of his dad and also how to honor him we spent the day finding seeds of “pretty” flowers and planted them in their backyard along with letters to his dad. Remember that consistent love and presence matter more than having the best/right words to say. 

5. Therapy and Treatment for Youth

Some grief becomes so intense that it interferes with daily life, a condition known as Prolonged Grief Disorder. In a 2021 study, Boelen, Lenferink, and Spuij tested Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) against nondirective supportive counseling for grieving children and adolescents. The results were clear: CBT significantly reduced grief intensity, depression, and stress.

Through structured techniques, CBT helps children confront painful thoughts, process memories of the loved one, and rebuild confidence in moving forward. While not everyone needs formal therapy, this research reinforces the importance of seeking help early when grief becomes overwhelming.

APPLY: Parents can watch for signs of prolonged grief in their children such as withdrawal from friends, declining school performance, persistent guilt, or refusal to talk about the deceased. Reaching out to a school counselor or grief therapist can be the first step toward healing or even having the hard and open conversations to remind them that they are not alone.

6. Nostalgia

Nostalgia can either be helpful or harmful to those grieving. In recent research S. Garrido (2018) examined how personality and coping styles influence whether nostalgic reflection helps or harms. For people with healthy emotional regulation, nostalgia provided comfort and connection to positive memories. But for those struggling with depression or avoidance, revisiting the past often deepened sadness.

This finding emphasizes self-awareness in coping. Nostalgia can be healing when it celebrates love and continuity but it can turn painful if it becomes a loop of regret or longing. The goal is to remember without becoming trapped in memory.

APPLY: Create a “memory ritual” such as cooking a loved one’s favorite meal on their birthday or lighting a candle while sharing stories. It keeps their presence alive in a meaningful way without sitting on the hurt of the past and what you are now missing. Since my uncle's passing, we have celebrated both his birthday and the anniversary of his loss by gathering in community and enjoying his favorite meals and sharing memories!

7. Moving Beyond the “Five Stages”

Kübler-Ross’s “five stages of grief” (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) are often misunderstood as a checklist everyone must follow. Stroebe, Schut, and Boerner (2017) challenge this notion, arguing that grief is not linear or universal.

People may skip stages, return to them, or experience none at all. Grieving depends on mental health, culture, relationships, and life history. By rejecting rigid models, we open space for individualized healing , one that respects differences in timing, expression, and needs.

APPLY: Remind yourself that healing doesn’t mean “getting over it.” It means learning to carry the loss differently and working through it with more understanding, less shame, and greater compassion for yourself.

REFRENCES:

Alvis, L., Zhang, N., Sandler, I. N., & Kaplow, J. B. (2023). Developmental manifestations of grief in children and adolescents: Caregivers as key grief facilitators. Journal of Child & Adolescent Trauma, 16(4), 447–457. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40653-021-00435-0

Boelen, P. A., Lenferink, L. I. M., & Spuij, M. (2021). CBT for prolonged grief in children and adolescents: A randomized clinical trial. American Journal of Psychiatry, 178(4), 294–304. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2020.20050548

Garrido, S. (2018). The influence of personality and coping style on the affective outcomes of nostalgia: Is nostalgia a healthy coping mechanism or rumination? Personality and Individual Differences, 120, 259–264. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2016.07.021

McFerran, K., & Hunt, M. (2008). Learning from experiences in action: Music in schools to promote healthy coping with grief and loss. Educational Action Research, 16(1), 43–54. https://doi.org/10.1080/09650790701833097

Miller, L. M., Utz, R. L., Supiano, K., Lund, D., & Caserta, M. S. (2020). Health profiles of spouse caregivers: The role of active coping and the risk for developing prolonged grief symptoms. Social Science & Medicine, 266, 113455. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2020.113455

Purrington, A. (2021). Psychological adjustment to spousal bereavement in older adults: A systematic review. Journal of Aging Studies, 57, 100937. https://doi.org/10.1177/00302228211043702

Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2017). Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 74(4), 455–473. https://doi.org/10.1177/0030222817691870